So I've been writing bits of blog posts for the past 3 weeks and never finishing any of them. This is largely due to the fact that I have very little time and the time I do have is filled with me attempting (and usually failing) to sleep. The following are the tidbits that I started and will likely not finish. However, I hope to be writing a proper update later today or tomorrow. Permitting Effie suddenly decides that naps are super cool.
WTF BABY, GO TO SLEEP - 1/1/15
"Today has been the baby sleep day from hell. Babies, in case you didn't know, don't come born knowing how to go to sleep, or they forget or some shit. In a desperate attempt to get Effie to GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, as the wise Samuel L. Jackson once said, Alex and I took an ill fated trip to Target. This is where we learned that, while Effie will sleep in the car seat/stroller, she will not stay asleep if you do something like, I don't know... STOP AT A RED LIGHT. So instead to leisurely browsing Target with a peaceful baby, we were frantically running all over to store trying to keep up a constant and steady momentum.
BTW, Target was super weird at the time... it may have been my sleep deprived anxiety driven mania, but I swear people were really strange. For example there was this guy sitting in the vacuum cleaner aisle crying about which steam cleaner to purchase."
Back in the Saddle Again - 01/10/15
"This week marked my first week back at work. There was a failed attempt at returning to work back in December. Alex came down with a cold and I wouldn't let him touch the baby for a week because I was convinced she'd get whooping cough and die so I didn't go back for more then a day. But this week was much more successful. I am very lucky in my job to have the ability to choose my hours and currently I'm only working 20 hours a week. So I work Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Alex is with Persephone on Wednesday and Thursday and my bestie Kerry watches her on Friday.
I have a lot of feelings about returning to work. I am so full of feelings. One day I'll be less full of feelings and then I will have more room for cheese.
I cried a lot the first day at work, and called home at every nap. It didn't help that Effie decided that she would take really long amazing naps FOR EVERYONE BUT ME. Baby naps, if you didn't know, can last anywhere from 10 minutes to 3 hours. Consistently Effie naps for 38 minutes for me, basically the length of one baby sleep cycle. She refuses to go back to sleep. Apparently she might get better at this when she's older, however right now it blows. It's just enough time for me to panic about how long she is going to sleep for. I don't know if you can tell but a large part of my anxiety is focused on sleep. My sleep, babies sleep, Alex's sleep... I count how many hours everyone is getting, and it's never enough, which makes it impossible for me to sleep. I feel real fucking crazy when it comes to sleep.
Speaking of crazy, I also started therapy this week."
Aaah, the infant sleep struggles! I do not miss those at all. I feel for you and Alex. My little guy eventually became a good sleeper, but for us his thing was being held. He wanted to be held to sleep all the time. If he fell asleep and I tried to put him down to, say, pee, or try to sleep, he would wake up as soon as my arms left him. Oy. There was a time I was trying desperately to get some writing done, and he kept falling asleep in my arms, so I'd put him down in his little bassinet *right next to me* and still, it wasn't enough. He'd wake up crying wanting to be held. I got good at typing with one hand. :P I hope Effie lets you get some sleep soon!
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